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Thread: What am I supposed to do?

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    Banned Infamous ImAeternalis's Avatar
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    What am I supposed to do?

    I'm not going to make a wall of text, i'll try to keep this short

    At this point in time I've completely lost my will to live.

    I failed history due to a huge lack of motivation and now my parents apparently hate my guts. They're going to be grounding me so I may as well sell my computer because I'm not really going to get any use out of it.

    That's the least of my issues. The last few months I've been extremely depressed to the point of a constant mental state of think about death, be it for myself or people around me. I've grown to hate teachers, peers, and basically everyone I even see at all so much that I hate my friends. Several people close to me have gotten hurt or sick and where I used to be upset about it, I've grown numb of it and simply don't care. I'm a christian (although can I really be considered one at this point?) and I honestly am fairly confident that death would put me in a much better place than I currently am at. The only thing that has kept me sane is music. Sad music lifts up my spirits and gives me a faint glimpse of false hope.

    I basically have to wait to go to college, get a degree, and get out to restart my life. To be honest, I don't even know if I'll be able to accomplish what I want to. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. I mean, I'm going to die one way or another, what's the point of all of this?

    Basically I'm asking for advice. How am I supposed to not be a complete fuck up?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Infamous Disquieted1's Avatar
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    You've had too much Internet. The Internet will make you hate people.

    Serious answer? Your life is the result of your choices. You control your life. Letting others toy with it is weakness. Take back your life, and while you're at it, embrace empirical evidence, common sense and reason. Better that you control your life than the idea of a holy deity and final judgment doing it for you. Religion made me (figuratively) suicidal. Simultaneously, you're worrying over nothing. A history course isn't a big deal compared to other things you'll face. Stop playing the victim. You are the protagonist, you make the choices and you make shit happen. Not someone else.

    Edit: Since you mentioned music, I thought this would be relevant. English subtitles in the video.

    Last edited by Disquieted1; 06-03-2015 at 11:52 PM.
    Smite is an online multiplayer game. You can't have immediate gratification simply by starting the game. The ground is even. There's another player on the other side. You are not entitled to having everything favoring you at every time. If you don't like it, by all means, go back to the 1-shot-kills-all Aliens: Colonial Marines singleplayer.

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    Senior Member Honoured AllknowingWolf's Avatar
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    Well, to keep it short as well as I'm kind of tired. And I don't know enough to really say much nor want to bore you with details. But.

    All I can say is there are plenty of people that feel that way at your age. I did. When you get a place of your own and get out of school, you will no longer have to worry about any of that. I'm sure you've been told by your parents being an adult is worse. They're lying. It is wonderful in comparison. Parents ground you when you fail at school is a way to teach you about life. (I agree that its rather ineffective.) It's a very temporary problem in the grand scheme of life. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but when I became an adult I looked back on my teens years laughing at just how ridiculous it all was. You will feel better in time.

    You can be a christian and have feelings, even feelings of hate or apathy. You are not any worse of a person. All people are equal, we all sin. Its not 'unchristian' to be human.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Prestigious BhastetKurza's Avatar
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    If you've read my thread you'd know I understand.

    You have to accept your mistakes. I'm no Christian because I think religion is stupid, but I am a Jedi who follows Jesus Christ.

    Satan wants to make you weak and make you think little of yourself so you can't see how great you are. Don't be like I was, dwelling on my mistakes. One thing you must do, is stop listening to the sad music. Believe me demons take more forms than angels and ugly creatures.

    They exist in music, you need to start listening to happy music and open the blinds in your room. Let the light flow through you and uplift you.

    Sadness does not uplift, it only brings down. Satan would love for you to think that sad music can uplift you because of the fact that you can "relate" to it. You don't need sad music to relate to being sad. You must look at the positives, you must look towards the light. This is coming from someone who prefers the dark as well. Too much of anything can be a bad thing.

    Expose yourself to the light and expose yourself to happiness.

    Rid yourself of hope and hang on to faith. Hope has no action, it waits for something good to happen. Faith however, involves action and involves power. Through faith you can truly give yourself strength. You have to hang on.

    I know what it's like, I hate making mistakes and I myself hate being human because of emotions and how irrational humans can be. So I avoid letting emotions ever take over and I pride myself on logic. However, you cannot forget that you are indeed human and we all make mistakes.

    Not even your parents are perfect and don't let yourself be fooled into thinking so.

    A few days ago, my father threw my clothes on the floor in the laundry room and didn't respect my stuff, in return I placed his bed sheets on the floor. He got so angry he talked about beating me up and called me many names. How quickly he forgot that he threw my stuff on the floor in the very same way that his were.

    No one's perfect.

    In order to not feel bad for being human, you must first accept the fact that you are indeed, human and nothing will change that. You are going to make mistakes your entire life and nothing will change that. When you do make a mistake you can do one of two things, 1. Dwell on that mistake and let it bring you down or 2. Learn from that mistake and let it empower you.

    I had to learn that the hard way, and I still am. There are still some things I wont ever be okay with like emotions. At the end of the day I must accept that I have them and that they are a part of me and sometimes they will control me no matter how strong I am. Nothing will change that.

    You're not a fuck up. That is a lie satan wants you to believe. That is a lie satan will do anything to make permanent in your mind.

    You mustn't let him win! You mustn't let him corrupt your mind with such negative thoughts!

    You are much better and stronger than that!

    Right now you must lean on our Lord and Savior more than ever, ask Him to help you accept and learn from your mistakes.

    David was one of God's favourites despite David messing up left and right. It's not the mistake that defines us as people, but what we do with the mistake once it has been made. Make the right decision.

    Do not pity yourself, make yourself strong. Make yourself proud.

    So what if you fucked up? You're still alive, no one is hurt. It's never too late to do anything. There is always redemption.

    Make it through this trial in your life. Once you have, thank God and realize how great He is and how merciful He is. Understand that we live this life to cherish and glorify Jesus. Show the world that with God, anything is possible.

    Don't ever question your Christianity again, satan places those thoughts within your mind to get you to relent to him. He wants you to slither away, slowly but surely. Make sure you never give satan that pleasure of victory over you because if you do, how he will laugh and flaunt that he has claimed another.

    You are better than you think you are, smarter than you know you are, stronger than you ever thought possible.

    Do not deny your potential.

    Motivation will come to those that still have the will to fight and go on.

    You have much to do, don't let yourself let go of it.
    Last edited by BhastetKurza; 06-04-2015 at 12:13 AM.
    Wow...

  5. #5
    Forum Moderator Infamous SeventhArchon's Avatar
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    I've said my share on this.
    If you lived a miserable life, dying will only eliminate the chances of anything different.
    If you live a miserable life until 20 and die, you lived a 100% miserable life.
    If you live a miserable life until 20 and live until 80, 75% of your life was better than that.
    You don't need to suppress your feelings, just move on. Your present self will be gone, and it's up to you to make a better one. That's what I'm trying to do right now as well. Leave my old mistakes behind and let my memory carry on and take me through a new part of my life - a better one.
    *Disclaimer: I am a volunteer moderator. I work on best judgement and do not speak on behalf of Hi-Rez Studios.*
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    FACEIT Prestigious Kaostic's Avatar
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    I failed history due to a huge lack of motivation and now my parents apparently hate my guts. They're going to be grounding me so I may as well sell my computer because I'm not really going to get any use out of it.
    Put simply, know that this really isn't the end of the world. Not only that, but your parents don't hate you - they're disappointed that you've not lived up to the potential they know you have. If they punish you for it, it's because they care about you.

    That's the least of my issues. The last few months I've been extremely depressed to the point of a constant mental state of think about death, be it for myself or people around me. I've grown to hate teachers, peers, and basically everyone I even see at all so much that I hate my friends. Several people close to me have gotten hurt or sick and where I used to be upset about it, I've grown numb of it and simply don't care. I'm a christian (although can I really be considered one at this point?) and I honestly am fairly confident that death would put me in a much better place than I currently am at. The only thing that has kept me sane is music. Sad music lifts up my spirits and gives me a faint glimpse of false hope.
    Finding solace in your piers here is a good first step, but it sounds like you really need to speak to a professional about your depression. It's a very serious matter, and there's only so much advice you'll be able to get here
    Community Coordinator for FACEIT | @Kaostic

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    Senior Member Prestigious Najh98's Avatar
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    I've basically loved all my life friendless. The only reason I had "friends" was because they were in the same classes I had. As you could probably tell from those sentences, I am an introvert. I'm not scared to talk to anyone, but I hate small talk and I don't feel the need to say anything to anyone, unless it's important. Basically, I'm mute at school. I don't want to talk to anyone, because I don't have to. They're boring af and I would rather read my books and go to another place in my head than talk to them. I'm usually in my room 24/7, I don't really talk to my family, unless I have something important to say, like I said before. There were times when I wanted to run away, to get away from this life, but that probably isn't going to happen. I've thought of suicide once, but quickly disagreed with it. My thoughts on suicide is that you're weak. You shouldn't commit suicide, just because your life isn't that great. There are others that get beat and abused daily and they're not going to commit suicide over that. They're going to get away and get help. (Some people)

    My life hasn't been the best, but I don't want to leave this life, just because of people. I hate when I have to do group projects in class, because I'm mostly the "outcast" so to speak, because I barely talk to anyone. You just have to get through it and deal with it. It's hard, believe me, I know. I usually listen to sad music too. It just makes me feel like they understand what's happened. I love music from "The Goo Goo Dolls". The one song I really like is "Iris". It's a pretty great song. Another one is "Superheroes". Listen to them some time. *Edit* If you want, go onto Spotify and look up Najh98 and click on my "Sad songs" playlist. I have all the sad songs I listen to.

    Anyways, I could go on and on, but I think this reply is already long enough. Just keep doing what you're doing. Try not to let anyone get you down. If they keep bothering you, ignore them. It's helped me. You can ask for help too. If you need a friend, get a cat. They're lovable and you can talk to them. I have 3 cats. I wouldn't trade them for anything, even friends. You're not alone. There are lots of other people that are like you. Just keep your head up.
    Last edited by Najh98; 06-04-2015 at 09:22 AM.

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    Senior Member Prestigious RippleApple's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ImAeternalis View Post
    I'm not going to make a wall of text, i'll try to keep this short

    At this point in time I've completely lost my will to live.

    I failed history due to a huge lack of motivation and now my parents apparently hate my guts. They're going to be grounding me so I may as well sell my computer because I'm not really going to get any use out of it.

    That's the least of my issues. The last few months I've been extremely depressed to the point of a constant mental state of think about death, be it for myself or people around me. I've grown to hate teachers, peers, and basically everyone I even see at all so much that I hate my friends. Several people close to me have gotten hurt or sick and where I used to be upset about it, I've grown numb of it and simply don't care. I'm a christian (although can I really be considered one at this point?) and I honestly am fairly confident that death would put me in a much better place than I currently am at. The only thing that has kept me sane is music. Sad music lifts up my spirits and gives me a faint glimpse of false hope.

    I basically have to wait to go to college, get a degree, and get out to restart my life. To be honest, I don't even know if I'll be able to accomplish what I want to. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. I mean, I'm going to die one way or another, what's the point of all of this?

    Basically I'm asking for advice. How am I supposed to not be a complete fuck up?
    Do you want help with school, or do you want help with your depression?

    Either way, I was told by a friend a long time ago offhandedly... it's kept with me this whole time...

    "The reason you're depressed and feel like this is because you haven't accomplished anything. Get good at something, get a job, go to school, do something with your life and you'll feel better about yourself."

    Go accomplish something. Put all of your time and effort into it. Don't be lazy. Slothfulness destroys the soul.

  9. #9
    Forum Moderator Prestigious Aurasai's Avatar
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    Hey, you are the one with that depressive, shitty audio quality black metal in the rate the song thread. I also had a bit of a similar phase like you, with lack of motivation and over controlling parents that thought restriction is the best way to raise an angry teen. I gotta thank them for that tho, as it turned me into a stubborn arse with a strong opinion and low regard to whatever filth other can hurl in my general direction (figuratively speaking)

    While I can go into philosophy, trying to convince you on why staying alive can be a damn good choice, most people here in this thread will likely do so, in a much better way then I can. Instead I am going to suggest for you to try something. Grab as much money as you can get (and a tent/vehicle if you have one) and go on a trip. If you get something to listen music on, don't bring any of that depressing stuff you are listening at home and don't take anything which reminds you of home. Get your phone, but turn it on only upon an emergency. No internet! It doesn't matter where you go, just visit places you haven't visited before. Spend a few days sleeping in the wilds. If there is shitty weather outside, go to some cozy pub and drink a beer with a stranger.
    Eventually you will run out of money (it will happen sooner then you expect). Close to that point you will realize that you have a home you can always return to, with people who care for you. When you return you would have completed a difficult journey relying on no one, but yourself. Going on a journey, alone, is the best way to take facts into consideration. It clears your head and makes you think without influence of external forces. It can make you appreciate the world and it's more simple things much more.

    Well, guess by the end I may tap into some amateur philosophy for a wee bit. As I am an atheist who is heavily influenced by pagan beliefs, I am not going to delve into any religious bollocks, but just advise you to start seeking personal happiness and self improvement. Don't consider your present self as passerby through a temporary world.
    We discover happiness when we stop trying to please the expectations and standards of others, and we start pleasing ourselves (that is within limits of course). Everyone is a victim of their own choice. While it's good to think about your future, do not forget that you live in the present.

    As for music, you do seem to like extreme metal. Try avoiding the entire doom metal genre and most those depressive black metal stuff, avoid stuff that makes you hate. Go listen to something new. Try switching to music with lyrics that promote personal strength, love for nature, new thinking or... heroes slaying fucking dragons.
    Last edited by Aurasai; 06-14-2015 at 06:09 AM.


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  10. #10
    Junior Member Senior Cupidhead aadjakar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ImAeternalis View Post
    How am I supposed to not be a complete fuck up?
    Bro, if I manage to stop being one, I'll surely let you know.

    Aurasai is right - turn on something positive; google "Rise Against", for example. Your life won't magically become better (because it's NOT the way it is because of your choices, not matter what Disquieted1 says), but at least it will change your perception of things. And that's the point - if you can't change the world, you start with changing yourself.

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