So, I played Smite for about an hour this afternoon. After that, I closed the game. Nothing weird going on. Now it's evening, and I wanted to play another few matches. "Cannot start Hirez Authenticate and Update Service."
Okay. I ran Smite as administrator. "Cannot start Hirez Authenticate and Update Service."
Okay. I opened the diagnostics tool. It told me to either reboot or reinstall. I rebooted. Twice.
"Cannot start Hirez Authenticate and Update Service."
Alright, alright. I uninstalled everything from Hi-Rez and downloaded the Smite installer again. And what do you know...
"Cannot start Hirez Authenticate and Update Service."
Cool. I can't even install Smite anymore.